Thursday, 3 May 2012

The Carousel of Guilt

After posting my last blog - regarding my 'day job' as an Aviation Instructor and the rigors of training, I had hoped to reengage with both my writing and my posting. Perhaps it was naive of me to expect to go full tilt, but I did expect to do more than  I subsequently have = not a thing.

So, my sometime companion, guilt, popped by to torture me softly over what I should be doing, of what should have been done, and what I must now do.

Perhaps it's wisdom in age - another birthday just passed last week, but I thought to myself that this time, this time, I would not let my unwanted mental house-guest to outstay its welcome. And it is welcome, only because it spurs me to activate my situational awareness of my current state - which is healthy, but then it continues on and starts sabotaging my feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, culminating in "I'll never get published at this rate" and the like.

How many fellow writers out there go through the same dance?

The excuses are invariably there - new job is intense, I'm keeping long hours, I'm studying at home to the point of dreaming of airplanes, trying to keep up with my home obligations, squeezing in a life and some sorely needed sleep to name but a few. I could then either hold these reasons up as armor and feel vindicated, or feel forlorn that I've hid behind them and failed to achieve what I set out to do. Both options I have visited.

But not this time.

Simply put, it is what it is, and now I will revisit my time management schedule (I've started keeping one this year, and before the changes at work threw it all asunder, I was kicking goals rather well), and I will take things ONE STEP AT A TIME. Do one thing, followed by the next, and so on.

That is how anything worthwhile gets done (and hopefully done well, with skill and care). I will keep my dreams on an achievable, bite-sized scale, AND I will allow myself to be a multifaceted and flawed human who lives and loves in the real world - with all of its unpredictability.

I call that progress.

I hope by sharing I might help others out there get off the nauseating Carousel of Guilt.

Happy writing!

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